Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Show not Tell

Here are my show not tell stories

Nervous Show Not Tell

After trying out for the netball team Keri was trembling with fear to see if she had made it in or not . It came to the day when they announced the team. The coach had scribbled in the breeze on the notice board the names of the people who made it.

With every step Keri took closer to the board, she began to feel nauseous and faint. With only a few steps to go she couldn't see her name. She dashed to the to the toilet in panic, slamming the door. She calmed down and tried to gain her confidence back. She walked back in the hall with goosebumps and finally saw her name on the board. She jumped up with joy and sprinted to tell the world.

Angry Show Not Tell

OMG you’re going to the mall, said Emily to her older sister Laura with excitement, Yes why are you asking? Well I thought I could come, said Emily with puppy dog eyes, then NO the sister said and slammed the door well she continued getting ready to go. By that time Emily was in rage she clenched her fist and turned red slamming her fist against the door to try and open it.

Stop it yelled the sister you're so frustrating you always get what you want but this time you can’t because you are too young, said Laura with a straightner in her hand. Now they both were in Rage by that point. Mum yelled and told Laura to come because Emily was throwing a fit in the lounge. I want to come said Emily and Laura just walked out the door without a single care.

Here is a story that I made into a Show not Tell. My stories are the bold and green pieces

Mary was excited because her older sister Jan was going to take her shopping at the mall to get a new dress. Jan told Mary they would leave in a few minutes but Mary said she couldn't find her shoes. Jan was getting impatient and Mary was worried that she would leave without her.

Mary was jumping up and down her mom caught her and stopped her and’ asked “why are you so happy” Mum said trying to hold her down. Mary broke out and screamed “ i’m going to the mall to get a new dress’ mary said while hoping away. As wind was blowing the mom away she asked mary if she had her shoes. Mary ran into her room with panic slamming the door behind her.

Jan her older sister, kept yelling and telling her to hurry up well beeping the horn and tapping on the Steering wheel. Paranoia struck Mary as she was worried she was going to get left behind because she could'nt find her shoes. Lifting the last sheet Mary finally found her shoes but Jan was to impatient and decided to leave her behind.

It was the last minute of the finals match of the basketball competition. Tama was shooting 3 penalty shots but misses and his team loses. He feels like he has let the whole team down. When one of his team jokes about it sarcastically Tama over-reacts and loses it.
5,4,3…. shoot it Tama! It was the basketball competition and it was the last minute when Tama missed. Oh no you missed kicking the drink bottle , its ok you will get it soon. Tama was angry with himself because he felt like he had let his team down. When Tama returned to the team with sweat dripping he heard one of the team members joking about Tama’s failure. Tama heard and lost the plot, his face turned red and he clenched his fist. The coach saw and sent him to go and cool down.

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